Here & Now: Presenting Gulfshore Style
Our YouTube video will go viral!
Sometimes, people who live in paradise have to look hard for things to be depressed about. Take last week. I’d been bouncing along, running errands and feeling especially fine. As I was paying for my dry cleaning, I noticed it: Pinned to a pair of white pants was a bright yellow tag printed in bold black letters: DEFECTIVE CONDITION BEFORE CLEANING. I’m thinking a missing button, maybe. But, no. Hand-scrawled below the bold print was the accusation, “home washed.” It was mean scrawling, too.
Oh, the guilt and the shame. “Look,” I wanted to explain. “They’re plain cotton. I travel. I have Woolite. It was just this one time, officer, I promise.”
Still, if a testy note from the dry cleaner is the worst thing in my day here on the Gulfshore, life is pretty wonderful.
Which is why I decided to make a YouTube video about us, to be called Gulfshore Style. You know the story: Last year, an incredibly nerdy Korean entertainer named Park Jae Sung, aka Psy, created and starred in what became the most viewed video in the history of YouTube. In Gangnam Style, the nerdy guy in really cheesy clothes does an even nerdier hip-hop song and dance laced with gorgeous women in elegant settings around the luxe district of Gangnam in Seoul, South Korea. The thing has gotten a billion-plus views and made almost that much money. Oprah, Ellen and Jimmy Kimmel love it. I’m betting Judge Judy still sings it in the shower, ever since Southwest Florida’s celebrity disk jockey DJ Cerone played it at her daughter’s wedding.
If you haven’t seen it, I’ll wait while you do it now.
OK, see what I mean? We’ve got the elegant environments. We’ve definitely got the gorgeous women, not to mention a respectable supply of gorgeous men. So, who wants to go in with me on our YouTube sensation, Gulfshore Style? After they see it, locals will be horsey-dancing down Fifth Avenue South in Armani and Prada singing “Hey, sexy lady ... Oppa Gulfshore Style ... Op-Op-Op- Op-Op.” Luxury tourism will skyrocket to unprecedented new highs.
Since we have no nerdy people here on the Gulfshore, we’ll have to get Psy himself. He might cost a million or two, but that’s pocket change. We’ll take in more than the Naples Winter Wine Festival.
There’s no time to lose. We’ll hit the glam shopping avenues, exclusive clubs, museums, yacht harbors and resorts, of course. Then we’ll videotape our way through the April calendar.
We’ll start April 5-6 at the 11th annual CREW Wildflower Festival. Psy can prance through the preserves among the butterfly experts and botanists, photographers and weekend naturalists in their Abercrombie & Kent safari attire. Then we’ll head for Fort Myers Beach, where the first women-only sand sculpting festival, Sand Bash, is underway. World champion sand-sculpting artists will be creating stunning objets d’art in a 10-day event to benefit Susan G. Komen for the Cure. You must admit— besides helping fund breast cancer research—there’s some serious video potential in women on the beach wielding chain saws. Sand Bash runs April 5-14.
The following weekend, April 20-21, we’ll zip Psy over to the spectacularly expanded Conservancy of Southwest Florida for its long-awaited Grand Reopening festival. Can’t you envision the magnifycent wading birds in the filter marsh getting down with Gulfshore Style? We’ll also grab great footage of the weekend’s eco-activities, live entertainment and festival fare.
On April 27, we’ll show up at what certainly must be the most charming gala of the spring season, Onstage with Florida Rep: Radio Daze, a clever theatrical-themed fundraiser for the Florida Repertory Theatre. Besides the vintage-style live radio plays, big-prize raffles, fine food and wine, plans call for some pretty lively audience participation. Almost as if they anticipated our YouTube sensation, The Rep has lined up impressive local star power for the production. Imagine Dr. Wilson Bradshaw, president of Florida Gulf Coast University; Steve Pontius, executive vice president of Waterman Broadcasting; and Fort Myers Mayor Randy Henderson, among others, all hip-hopping to the op-opop- op-op beat.
Bottom line: The Rep gets five figures for the evening, and our viral video gets millions.
On April 28, we’ll wrap our production at Naples’ Bayfront Place for the 30th anniversary of a Taste of Collier. The promoters of the tastiest street party of the year are pushing the envelope to the max with top-tier restaurants, entertainment and goodies, to benefit the American Red Cross and St. Matthews House. Psy will have a built-in cast of dancers and backup bands. They’ll cavort around the wine sommeliers, Iron Chef contenders and ice artisans sculpting dolphins and Ferraris. Imagine—more visuals with chain saws, and a blizzard of ice shavings.
OK, just kidding. About the video, I mean—not about all the fabulousness going on around here this month. Let’s vow to savor it all, and not worry so much about those mean spirited-laundry tags.
A Taste of Collier
Florida Repertory Theatre
CREW Wildflower Festival
Conservancy of Southwest Florida