A Sea Change

Q. Were you a writer before Drawn to the Rhythm?

A. I wrote in college and grad school, and I also taught English. But when I started having children, I poured myself into being a mother. I loved it, but being away from the rest of the world left me grievously unprepared for leaving the marriage, which was characterized by emotional abuse.

Q. And now you do life coaching, helping other people in difficult situations?

A. Yes, I work with clients, both men and women, mostly in midlife. Abuse isn't always involved. What I do is help them re-identify the times and contexts in their lives in which they've felt most alive, so they can sort of redesign their lives. It's about finding what they want to do now.

Q. How did you discover your passion for rowing?

A. I grew up in Boulder, Colo., which was dry as a bone. But as a child I always used to wade up the creek and make little boats, and I always loved early mornings and nature. All the ingredients were there, except the river. When I found a harbor, that was it! I was lucky; I had a sort of epiphany.

You have to be willing to look like an idiot sometimes. Being a beginner in your 40s or 50s you can look stupid. But I was just so in love with rowing, I was able to push through that. And you finally realize that no one's really looking at you. As a life coach, I help people find what excited them when they were 10 years old. My clients are seeking adventure, a challenge. Sometimes it's a change in employment, sometimes it relates to friendships or family or physical recreation.

Q. Do you still row?

A. I do, regularly, but now it's for fun and friendship. Then it had to do with the courage to leave my marriage.

Q. Women must want to talk to you about their marriages all the time.

A. All the time. And I always lead them, not just to my book, but to good domestic violence counselors, to start talking about what's happened to them. When you speak to a professional, much of what they do is help validate your experience.