Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Asbell: Yes. And then we've helped some of them untie the knot a second time.

Is it too easy to get married?

Ho: A lot of times people say they got married after knowing their spouse for three days or six weeks, and it's really hard to know anyone in that period of time. Observe the person you're thinking about marrying for the rest of your life in the tough situations, not just the fun situations.

Do you ever wish you could put yourselves out of business?

Ho: Oh, absolutely. But human nature such that it is, it's hard to see that ever happening. What I have seen is that people seem to get married in love and with hope that it's going to last forever. The vast majority of the people that we counsel try so hard to do the right thing that I just wish we could take some of the shame and blame out of the process.

Asbell: There is life after divorce, even though people doubt that there is. My experience has been that when the process is over and time passes, most people are happier, much happier.

Ho: We've both been married before, and speaking for myself, I come to the process with a large amount of humility. I think it helps us be more compassionate and more patient, especially more patient. What we try to do is help people through this process with some modicum of grace and dignity, to get through it knowing all their legal rights, having it done fairly and equitably, but done in a way that causes the fewest scars. And that means fairness with the money, too.

Asbell: But the perception of fairness is always different. That's the problem.

Ho: That's the rub.

Do you have a prenuptial agreement?

Ho: We do not.

Asbell: We don't, and it never was an issue.

Ho: No, it never was an issue. I think it's because we come to the marriage with parity. I'm sure everyone in town thinks we have one three inches thick.

Asbell: I know they do.

How is it that neither of you seems at all cynical about what you do?

Asbell: It's too serious and we see too much pain that people go through to be cynical about it. If I were going to be cynical I would have to stop and do some other type of law.

Ho: What I see is people picking themselves up and moving forward, hoping for a better quality of life for them and for their children. I focus on that.