The wonderful thing about being married to the woman I am married to is that she understands how we guys need to get together on a regular basis to carouse and howl at the moon and do all the dumb, predictable, endearing things guys do when we get together away from the women we are married to."I am thinking about heading down to Chokoloskee with the guys next weekend," I tell my wife.

"I am thinking about buying a new dining room table," she says.

"We will probably be gone for two nights," I say.

"I will probably get six chairs to go with the table."

"I figure we are going to do a little snook fishing, play a little poker, that sort of thing."

"I figure the table and the chairs are going to cost around $5,200."

See, it's all a matter of communication. I feel very strongly that most marital difficulties could be easily avoided if more men and women were willing to occasionally sit and talk honestly like this.

At the risk of betraying my gender, I would like to share a secret with you women. I know that some of you are suspicious of your menfolk when they say they are going off on a weekend trip with the guys. You suspect they might, just might, be going off to fool around.

Here is how you can tell what they are really up to: Pay close attention to how much stuff they take with them. If your man packs lightly but actually remembers to take his toothbrush, then it is probably time to pop for the private detective. If, however, he goes through endless fits of agony trying to find all the stuff he wants to take and keeps cussing about how it is time to buy an even bigger SUV, then you can be assured of his fidelity. Especially if once he's down the road you notice that he's forgotten his toothbrush.

Bona fide guy trips demand taking way too much stuff. On this particular weekend trip to Chokoloskee there were four of us. We were to be gone for roughly 48 hours. And we were taking a boat, spinning tackle, fly-fishing tackle, six tackle boxes, God-knows-how-many ice coolers, a cast net, two kayaks, two Yucatan hammocks, lots of electronic gadgetry to provide music and access to football games, playing cards, poker chips, folding chairs, folding tables, tons of food, a set of horseshoes, and you don't want to know how much beer. It wasn't nearly enough. Beer, that is.

Guys are much more flexible than women. Having packed all that stuff to take on a trip, women, being the pragmatic species, would actually feel compelled to use it. Not guys. For guys, just having all that stuff nearby and available is enough. Because mostly what guys do is sit around and discuss what it is they could do.

"Could go fishing."

"Could."

"Could go kayaking."

"Could."

"Could play horseshoes."

"Could."

"Say, could you pass me another beer?"

Occasionally, there will be a call to action.

"What do you suppose might happen," asked one of the guys on our trip, "if you fed Alka-Seltzer to one of those sea gulls that keep pestering us?"

Guys will ponder a question like this for a long time. They will turn it over and over, in and out. Bets will be placed. And then they will all pile into the SUV and drive 20 miles round trip to the convenience store because out of all the stuff they brought they didn't bring any Alka-Seltzer.

For the record: You have to disguise the Alka-Seltzer in a piece of bread to get the sea gull to eat it. Unfortunately, they fly away before they really start to foam.

It's a story to tell your wife while sitting around the new dining room table.