My Year of Living Diplomatically

Me? An ambassador’s wife?

As I look back on the November 2005 night before we departed, my anxiety was, "Do I have what I need to make this residence a home for our young children during the next few years? How will they acclimate and how will I?" Never mind that the home is magnificent and comes with a staff of nine to take care of our every need. I knew it was a Cinderella dream—but emotionally, as a mom and a homebody, it was really a challenge.

My first response to Lisbon was one of joy and surprise. Joy because I was going to live in a European country full of history and character, not to mention good food. Surprise, because I could not believe I was going to spend my children’s formative years getting to know a new country, new language and a new culture. I was feeling the weight of all this upon arrival. Then we pulled up to this stunning 1878 home with all of its grandeur, and I saw the American flag blowing in the wind. I felt quite proud!

The doors opened to a splendid foyer, amazing parquetry and tile work, crowned with a huge crystal chandelier. And to greet us, the entire staff lined up in formal attire. They were kind and warm; Cinderella had found her fairy godmothers to help her through the dream.

My learning experiences started right away. I got an early—and enlightening—insight on cultural differences from the mayor of Lisbon. I had mentioned to him that I had noticed all the graffiti on walls and buildings around town. His response put what I saw in a context that helped me understand the Portuguese and their history.

He said that the origins of graffiti came from the revolution period around 1976, after the dictatorship had been overthrown. People felt free to express themselves; they wanted to purge their anger after years of oppression and wanted to talk about change. And they did all this with the graffiti. To this day, they continue to express their views in this manner. As an American, with our respect for the sanctity of public and private buildings, you’re surprised to see this kind of "defacing," as we would understand it. But the mayor helped me see that in Lisbon this is art and a form of free expression. Cultural difference acknowledged—and appreciated.

Of course, our stay officially began with Al submitting his credentials from President Bush to the Portuguese president. On his way to the palace, Al had an astounding escort on the grand boulevard that runs along the historic Tejo River. Of the 150-soldier plumed cavalry unit mounted on white horses that made up the president’s honor guard, 30 were the mounted military band—the only mounted band in the world that can play anthems at a gallop.

My first activities were lots of teas to meet other wives. It was very nice, but my American go-getter spirit needed to do something satisfyingly productive. So the first order of business was a big Christmas party for all embassy employees, at the residence.

I feel that when every new ambassador arrives at his post, he or she works on what their mission will be. First and foremost, you try to create an atmosphere of inclusiveness. There are about 200 employees at the embassy, some who have been working there for 20 years. What better way to meet than a Christmas party? We invited their families, bought gifts for all of the children, and hired a Santa Claus to deliver them.

It was a great success. I learned that many had never set foot in the residence after 20 years of employment. They were amazed that we would include them, and I was touched by how much they appreciated this simple gesture.

Christmas was quiet for us as a family. Our normal tradition had changed, but somehow it was OK, because we were together. The children were surprised that Santa knew to bring toys (labeled in Portuguese) all the way over here from America.

We traveled during those holidays as a family, and it was great to get to see Portugal at its best. It is a spectacular place to be for the holidays because Lisbon is aglow with decoration—a holiday wonderland.

Despite all the season’s festivities, I could not deny that a big milestone for me was approaching. I was turning 50 and really missing home. I kept those feelings to myself because I did not have the heart to complain. My idea of a big birthday party wasn’t going to happen, because I didn’t know enough people to invite to a big shindig. So I talked myself into a quiet celebration.

However, the great guy I married surprised me by bringing 20 of my dear friends over to Portugal for a weeklong party, and quiet it was not! I was so grateful to see familiar faces. I would turn 50 again for a surprise like that!

About the same time, we put our daughters, Sophie and Ava, in Portuguese school. I was adamant that they should experience an education that was international and cultural. They both did well and are now into their second year. They love it and are both speaking beautiful Portuguese. That’s more than I can say for myself.

The children found their niche quickly. The spectacular cavalry, which escorted Al on day one, is quartered in the elegant old palace stables with the Lusitano horses. Sophie was invited to take riding classes there three days per week, and we spent some good social time with the riding families. It reminds Al of his polo days in Florida.

My first outside social event was hosting the ambassadors’ wives for tea at the residence. I gave a small speech, partly in Portuguese, and went outside of tradition by requiring nametags for the ladies, most of whom had never heard or thought of such an idea. We have also entertained some very interesting visitors, including George H.W. Bush, Bill Gates, Sen. Mel Martinez and Colin Powell.

When former President Bush visited for Portuguese President Cavaco Silvas’ swearing-in, he arrived at 3 a.m. Al met him at the airport and escorted him to the residence, but I stayed home and got up at 3:30 to greet him in my pink pajamas. He chuckled and said what a surprise to see me, and he was so glad I dressed for him. Later he sent a lovely thank-you note with a P.S.: "By the way, I liked those pink pajamas Dawn had on."

When you move away from home, you realize how much you miss everything and how we take things for granted. When I returned to the states in April for the first time since moving here, I was reminded of all our choices in stores. Imagine 15 kinds of toothpaste! In Portugal, we have three.

We returned to Lisbon in May and got busy again. Your residence becomes a revolving door of visitors, ambassadors, dignitaries and good friends. We became proactive in trying to create business ties between Portuguese and American vintners. Our good friends Valerie and Jeff Gargiulo came from the Napa Valley to visit Portugal, the Douro River region, and Portuguese vintners. They were dazzled by the beauty of the country. Portugal has some of the most spectacular—and reasonably priced—wines available in today’s market. We hope to see Portuguese wines featured at the Naples Winter Wine Festival in future years.

We also re-created a daddy-daughter dance that Al and Sophie enjoyed in Florida every year. The embassy staff—both American and Portuguese—loved it. The dance was another way to bring people together.

Our first year was almost over and I felt like I had not made enough of a difference. So I thought I would try to bring another American tradition to Portugal: fundraising. I met with the local foundations that raise money for breast cancer, discovered what their needs were and decided to have a gala fundraiser at our home. I thought we could fill the house with donors at an exclusive dinner with dancing and entertainment. I hoped to raise enough money to upgrade one mammogram machine from analog to digital.

So along with the first lady of Portugal, Mrs. Cavaco Silva, Estee Lauder, and the Laco Foundation, we designed a big event. We would charge more per couple than any previous fundraiser in Portugal had. The European system provides for healthcare, and there are no tax incentives for people to give to charity. So I knew it was going to be a hard sell. Despite the obstacles, we raised three times the amount we had expected to—almost enough for three machine upgrades.

Our lives are full of dinners, receptions and official events—several per week. There is no doubt that the American ambassador’s presence is highly sought after, and sometimes it is difficult to choose which functions to attend. And we often have dinner at the residence for foreign dignitaries, parties that range in size from 20 to 100 guests. Every dinner has a special purpose as part of our goal to advance our country’s interests. They are a lot of work, but are important and rewarding.

Then came our Fourth of July. More than 1,000 people came to the residence to help us celebrate our Independence Day. It was quite a statement about their respect for America and its dedication to freedom. 

Many Portuguese citizens came dressed in red, white and blue, or wore American flag ties. Guests devoured American picnic goodies and Al even imported an amazing Bluegrass band from Seville, Spain.

After the presentation of the colors, the Portuguese anthem, and our national anthem, Al gave his speech and read the president’s proclamation. The day included an embassy ceremony for two special guests, Portuguese-American children, nine and 12, whose father made the ultimate sacrifice in Iraq in March. Al presented the children with a medal of remembrance and gave the most difficult speech he has ever given. It was very stirring. 

I returned to the states later in July and was happy to be back. The first year had been trying for me, but I felt good about the positive impact we were having. I am deeper into Portugal now, I know the political arena, and I am more comfortable at all events. Portugal now feels like my home away from home.