Karen T. Bartlett
They’re talking about affairs of the charitable kind, of course. The women adore them, conventional wisdom says; but the men get dragged along, stuffed stoically into penguin suits. They barely notice what their ladies are wearing. They dutifully open their checkbooks for the cause du jour, suffer through endless chatter and grit their teeth on the dance floor, until the stroke of midnight, when they’re released like reverse Cinderellas back to their manly world of ESPN.
Fact or fiction? To find out, I conducted my own scientific research, with hundreds of in-depth interviews, highly sophisticated analysis methodology and strategically formulated interview techniques. Well, actually, I called up 11 men-about-town and had lovely 20-minute chats. These are their stories.
The Men
Dudley Goodlette, partner, Goodlette, Coleman & Johnson P.A.; former District 76 Representative, Florida House of Representatives
Jonathan Green, artist/owner, Jonathan Green Studios
Bill Hazzard, partner, Coleman, Hazzard & Taylor P.A.
Dave Humphrey, president, Humphrey Rosal Architects
Cole Peacock, director of corporate relations, Chico’s
Steve Pontius, executive vice president, general manager, Waterman Broadcasting
Harry Silverglide, retired networking/data communications executive
Elliott Singer, managing director, FairView Advisors
John Sorey, Naples city councilman
Bill Valenti, president, Florida Gulf Bank
Joel Whittenhall, president, CNL Bank of Southwest Florida
The Myths
Myth No. 1: He’d rather just send in a check.
Not so. Otherwise, Bill Hazzard would have missed out on one of his most prized possessions: a baseball autographed by Mickey Mantle.
Myth No. 2: That old black bow tie works for him.
That would hardly explain Harry Silverglide’s Nicole Miller pink panther tie and cummerbund or John Sorey’s black-and-white polka-dot ensemble.
I wear a tuxedo, but the tie would not be black, no. I shop when I’m in New York. I have 10 to 12 different combinations. —Sorey
Though most men won’t admit it, many do the same thing as the women. When we see a shirt we know nobody else has, we pick it up. I spend as much time as Rachel getting ready and enjoy getting into the spirit of it. —Peacock
And the other side of the coin ...
I can shower, shave, dress and be out the door in 15 minutes. A recent picture of me shows why: I can do my hair with a washcloth. —Pontius
I choose my own business ties, but consult with my wife for the formal ones. She says I’m not too good with colors, and she likes to make sure our wardrobes blend. —Valenti
An artist isn’t expected to follow the rules. I like black on black, with an ascot instead of a bow tie. In summer, it will be all white or off-white linen. For casual affairs, I’ll choose a Guayabera [a ’40s-era linen Cuban wedding shirt]. —Green
I briefly flirted with the ascot. I prefer my gold and black musical notes, fire extinguishers, or tropical-themed cummerbund and bow tie. —Humphrey
Wardrobe? Not a clue. I rely entirely on Barb. —Goodlette
Please, never ask a guy about his “outfit.” Guys don’t wear outfits. The finite details of wardrobe just aren’t an issue. —Pontius
Oh really? Then you probably don’t remember what you wore to the Cattle Baron’s Ball.
Actually, yes: Dan Post cowboy boots, a crisply starched and ironed white shirt, jeans, and my new Resistol cowboy hat. —Pontius
Busted, Steve. But you’re not alone. Notice how Cole Peacock describes his and his wife’s attire for that same event.
I wore a black long-sleeved shirt I picked up when I was on a business trip in Key West. It had a hand-stitched guitar on the back and embroidered roses on the front. I put on my broken-in jeans, polished up my Tony Lama boots and added a red pocket-handkerchief as an accent piece to go with the roses. Rachel wore a jean skirt with boots. A very hot little skirt, I might add. —Peacock
Myth No. 3: He couldn’t possibly tell you what his wife was wearing.
Prepare to be charmed, girls. They do remember! Even when the details are vague, who wouldn’t give points for the reverence in their voices?
Sara’s gowns just get better. There was a blue one … and the last one—slim and black—was really beautiful. —Hazzard
I love this one dress Barb has, something with sequins, and she looked stunning recently in a long black ball gown. Yes, it would be one of those two. —Goodlette
Delores looks so beautiful in her red gown with the fitted top and full skirt. Very Southern Belle, like her. —Sorey
Lou wore a gorgeous blue/aqua/green gown when we were honored as Gulfshore Life Men and Women of the Year. It looked great with her red hair. To make it better—or worse for me—Yamron Jewelers put about $200,000 worth of diamonds around her neck for the photo. You might as well have stuck needles in my eyes … I’m just a working guy. But she looked stunning. —Pontius
No contest: Mary has this spectacular gold sequined off-the shoulder dress … very contouring … tastefully revealing … classic with a touch of Las Vegas. —Humphrey
Retta would look gorgeous in
anything—even a paper bag.The white gown she wore in her photo-graph for [Gulfshore Life’s] Fashion Statement at Gulfshore Life’s Best of the Best ball took my breath away. This sounds awful, but I think she is the prettiest woman ever featured as a Fashion Statement. —Singer
Trust us, Elliott, there’s not a wife alive who would think this sounds awful.
For the Heart Ball, Sandy wore an amazing cream-colored gown with cut glass beads. It even had a train. —Silverglide
Put Zondra in a ball gown and wow! I’m so proud to be the one with her. One of my favorites was a long black thin-strapped dress. —Whittenhall
Eneida has a fantastic red dress—almost violet. I love seeing her in it. —Valenti
What other gowns have our Men about Town appreciated? Bill Hazzard spoke for every guy in our survey, without exception, with his answer:
I wouldn’t dare comment on that one! —Hazzard
Myth No. 4: He goes because he loves you. Or because it’s a business obligation.
This may be true the first time, but soon he’ll go because—pick one:
• He gets to dress up like a cowboy
• He can see people he hasn’t seen all year
• He gets a backstage pass to meet his favorite singer
• If he’s as astute in his bidding as he is in business, he could pick up that castle stay in Austria at about 10 percent of retail. Or, as it happened at last year’s Naples Winter Wine Festival, he might become the proud owner of a 2008 Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe.
I love the cocktail party. Talking to everyone I’d like to is a bit challenging though, because Eneida lives by “Italian time.” She believes that if the party starts at 7, we can leave the house at 7:30, arrive at 8 and be early. So we usually arrive near the end of the cocktail party. —Valenti
It’s the networking I love. I get in trouble because I can’t seem to stay at the table. And once the dinner and program start, they frown on people moving around. —Pontius
I enjoy the auction bidding and the schmoozing. Delores and I especially love ’50s and ’60s dancing. —Sorey
Myth No. 5: Pick a cause, any cause; it doesn’t matter since they’re all worthwhile.
This is the biggest myth of all. There’s a fervor behind their selection of causes: Someone they know suffers from a debilitating condition; they’re passionate about the arts, culture or education; they’ve seen pain and sadness, and they are grateful to have the means to help alleviate it.
You can sprinkle your donations in little bits across the sea and not make much impact anywhere, or you can choose one or two and do a lot of good. I like the Salvation Army and the Children’s Hospital of Southwest Florida because I see such a wonderful return on investment with the good they do. —Silverglide
I most enjoy those that honor people: the Junior Achievement Banquet; the Chamber of Commerce and the Naples Daily News Citizen of the Year awards. I’m inspired by folks in business who have done something special. —Hazzard
I love Eden Florida’s annual concert weekend. At the rehearsal dinner, 50 or 60 patrons get to meet amazing talent, like Ben Taylor, Karla Bonoff and Phoebe Snow. The major event is the concert for 300 people. The dress code is casual chic, the music is fantastic, and I’m contributing to something where I can see an immediate effect.
We evolve in our mental attitude over time. Initially, it’s ‘Let’s go meet people, have fun, and contribute to a good cause.’ Eventually, you begin to choose what’s meaningful to you and focus where you can do the most good for the time spent. It’s fun on a whole different level. —Humphrey
The Magic
Event planners, are you listening? Our “scientific research” proves that the Men about Town are ready to be wowed; to stay until the last note is played and the last auction treasure is won. But beware: As brilliant as they are, they appear to have short attention spans. Here in their own words are a few final tips on what it takes to lure and delight them.
I appreciate the transformation of ordinary to extraordinary. An event that consumes a year in the planning takes just five hours to execute. Just as women are transformed when they go from shorts and T-shirts to ball gowns, the ballrooms are transformed into fairy tale settings. —Silverglide
Anytime someone forges a different theme it captures my attention. The Hope for Haiti event was formal, but, instead of scheduling the usual hotel ballroom, the organizers held it in a hangar at the Naples airport. —Goodlette
Events like the Sneaker Ball allow guys who wear suits and ties every day to have a great time for a good cause without dressing up. You can do only so many hotel events in a week. —Whittenhall
When I was younger, I’d stay to the end at any cost. Now we stay long enough to see if it’s going to be lively. —Valenti
I like to talk at the table, and it’s not good being drowned out by a band that’s too loud. —Whittenhall
And finally …
My wife and I dine out quite a bit, so a cocktail and a meal is no big deal. And how many times can you handle the prime rib/mashed potato/string beans almandine routine? —Valenti
Burnout is a real danger. After you attend the same kind of black-tie event 20 times, you’d rather do a stay-at-home tea and send in your check. —Humphrey
The thing we see often is just plain boredom. It’s not just about classiness, about the surprises: unexpected entertainers and performers. Little touches, like the sensational desserts at the Ritz-Carlton. —Valenti
If we know the event is going to be boring, the invitation goes right in the trash. If you want people to come to your event, you’d better make it fun. To have a fun event, put fun people in charge of it. —Singer
We’re willing to do our share of the work. Yesterday was my last day as president of the Collier County Bar Association. I’m looking for something to do next. —Hazzard
Dangerous words, counselor. We suggest you put in a couple of extra phone lines to handle all the calls.