We’ve all been there. Smack dab in the middle of date number one and already debating whether this person sitting across from us is worth another night of our time. For some, it’s an easy “yes.” For others, well, things get complicated. In fact, plenty of relationships have a shelf life of exactly one date. Why? Because we are picky. And, rightly so. (Sometimes.) We deserve someone worthy of our awesomeness. But other times, we are just too freaking picky for your own good.

I’m sure we all remember someone from our dating past that we decided against that, in hindsight, we might have at least given a shot at date number two. In my youth, I was notoriously picky. I remember one lovely girl—a school teacher in New England—with whom I was fixed up. For our first (and only) date we went to a polo match and she wore this sleeveless sundress. As were stomped the divots I took notice of a small mole in the crook of her arm. I became hyper-focused on that mole and never called her again. I hear later from a mutual friend that she thought I was too sophisticated for her (humble brag) and was relieved we didn’t date again. I, on the other hand, am left to wonder what our lives would be like had she only worn something with sleeves that day.

“I had a guy that obsessively texted me to make sure I was coming to the date,” says Lauren of Naples. “The plan started with dinner, but he freaked me out so bad I backed out all the way to a late morning coffee because I knew he’d have to go back to work. I never answered another text from him again.”

“I heard of one woman’s date who actually reached across the table, pulled a hair out of her head and began flossing with it right there in the restaurant,” adds Molly, a 60-something retiree from Estero with a mass of unfashionably frizzy blonde hair. When I offer to her that that may have actually been an episode of Seinfeld, she responds with an “Oh, I don’t think so” before returning focus to a three month old People magazine.

“I had a guy who could not stop talking about his cats—seriously,” says Pixie McGibbish (obviously not her real name). “My inner monologue chimed in with all the possible reasons why a single man would have not one, but multiple cats: he works at the Humane Society and is a foster parent; saved said cats from some sort of horrific accident such as a fire or hurricane; had a series of girlfriends who inexplicably abandoned their little fur balls with this guy. But just like Mr. Owl and his Tootsie Pop enigma, the world (or at least me) will never know. I said, ‘nay’ to the second date.”

The point we’re trying to make here is that just getting a first date takes a lot of effort. You need to not only put your best foot forward on a first date, but also try to look past some of the little things that really might just be little things. Follicle flossing is an acceptable no. Small elbow moles probably deserve better. Cats should be a game-day decision.

*Have you broken off a date because of something you found intolerable? Write in and let us know!

The Chronicles of Miss X:

Two cancelled dates. The one for Thursday cancelled on me. Apparently, I didn’t pet him enough. I’ve only seen him in the flesh for a total of 2 hours and 45 minutes. But I guess I was supposed to profess my deep love for him, crown him king, delete my dating profiles and sequester myself in my room until he came a callin’ for me on date night. After a string of very irate texts from him calling me all sorts of inappropriateness, I politely thanked him for having his rant this early in our getting-to-know-you and not wasting my time. The other had to go pick up the kids from the sick ex. We rescheduled.

If you Google “The Trouble With Men” you will get 599,000,000 results in .26 seconds (including the book cover you see above). Conversely, if you Google “The Trouble With Women” you 237,000,000 results in slightly less time. Statisticians among us would say this proves Google is a woman. But the problem solvers among us see this information as what it truly is: a challenge. You see, men are conundrums, wrapped in a non-too-flattering pair of khaki trousers.

To almost know us is to almost love us. Of course, how we feel about you is anyone’s guess.

“Men suck,” offers Heather (“I’m Not Telling You My Last Name”), a charming account executive from Cape Coral, who was both eloquent and lady-like while sitting with friends outside of Rumrunners in Cape Coral’s Cape Harbour area. But even if men are nothing but trouble, they seem to play an important role in the development of the average woman: the ability to hone your complaining skills. (Exhibit A: Heather.) What a priceless gift.

Of course, as we like to say here at Gulfshore Life, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch” And that, apparently, goes for having men is your life in any capacity whatsoever.

According to a European study cited in Scientific American, sons reduce a mother’s lifespan by an average of 34 weeks. (It seems Heather was onto something.) Researchers claim that because of a son’s larger birth weight and his testosterone, he wrecks a woman. Happy Mother’s Day! Adding insult to injury, boys can injure females just minding their own business while sharing the same womb. In the study, they found that of 754 twins born between 1734 and 1888 in five towns in rural Finland, girls from mixed-gendered pairs were 25 percent less likely to have children, had an average of two less children and were 15 percent less likely to marry—even if the male twin died within three months of birth.

On a positive note, there aren’t that many Finnish men in Southwest Florida looking for love. Regardless, Heather, who was just coming out of a long-term relationship with a man, has hope for the future. “Can you tell me what is wrong with me?” she asked, fully expecting an answer.

According to Google, there are 26,200,000 things wrong with Heather.

The Chronicles of Miss X:

Regarding a recent online dating contact: “I’m thinking I don’t really fit this other man’s definition of the perfect marriage partner. ‘MY HOMIE LOL. MY 2 STEPPIN FIST PUMPING LOVES TO HAVE FUN WIFFFFEY.’ He is a firm believer in grabbing life by the ‘gonads’… I guess the fist pump comes next? Ugh. I may have to reply with a suggestion to replace his keyboard. His caps lock stuck and the keyyyyyyyssssss repeat. What the heck is he doing over that keyboard to make the keys stick like that?”

“I’m sane and disease free!”

If ever there was an opening line capable of breaking the ice with potential mates, that’s it. And that’s the greeting that introduced us to the woman we’ve been waiting for all our lives (or more accurately, a month or so)—our new Miss X. The woman Single Scene will be following on a weekly basis in order to learn about the trials and tribulations a real woman goes through while adrift in a sea of man-shaped fish. Best of all, she’ll make you realize that it’s not you—it’s them.

So just who is our new guinea pig/ delightful lady? Here’s how she describes herself: “I’m a 41-year-old divorced mother of two teenagers. I live with my (teenage) son… So while I do have the kid thing going, he is old enough to fend for himself if I make last minute dinner plans. A big plus in this dating pool filled with wishy-washy non-planners who like to fly by the seat of their pants. I work in a small professional office with limited opportunities to meet the man of my dreams, so I’ve been doing the online dating site thing…”

The attractive blonde has profiles on three websites but plans to delete two of them and start from scratch after she had her co-workers critique them. “They said I ‘wrote a book’ and ‘need more pictures of me doing activities guys relate to.’” She plans to head to Bass Pro Shop where she’ll be photographed contemplating the purchase of a camouflage cover for a six-rack meat smoker.

Of course, that won’t stop the 50-year-old married realtor/builder from proposing “morning daytime romps” on a regular basis. “He ‘wants to add happiness to my life by reading to me, playing chess, listening to raindrops, cleaning my house, giving me bubble baths and doing my laundry,’” says Miss X, quoting verbatim his email to her on OKCupid.com. He sounds awesome. And insane. His poor wife must be sitting there in dirty clothes wondering why his bishop never overtakes her rook anymore.

So, aside from the lack of disease and willingness to look at camping equipment in order to find the man of her dreams, why did we choose her as our Miss X? Because she realizes that just because you keep finding frogs doesn’t mean you should stop turning over stones. “I’ve met about 10 men within the past three months,” says Miss X. “So yes, I’ve been pretty active and continue to be so I’m not sitting home eating Chinese takeout and watching Netflix every weekend.”

And we will follow her every step of the way.

*If you have dating questions, feel free to email them to us. We may not answer them, but we’ll have fun trying.