Singles Scene

When to Say 'No' to Date No. 2

BY May 18, 2012

We’ve all been there. Smack dab in the middle of date number one and already debating whether this person sitting across from us is worth another night of our time. For some, it’s an easy “yes.” For others, well, things get complicated. In fact, plenty of relationships have a shelf life of exactly one date. Why? Because we are picky. And, rightly so. (Sometimes.) We deserve someone worthy of our awesomeness. But other times, we are just too freaking picky for your own good.

I’m sure we all remember someone from our dating past that we decided against that, in hindsight, we might have at least given a shot at date number two. In my youth, I was notoriously picky. I remember one lovely girl—a school teacher in New England—with whom I was fixed up. For our first (and only) date we went to a polo match and she wore this sleeveless sundress. As were stomped the divots I took notice of a small mole in the crook of her arm. I became hyper-focused on that mole and never called her again. I hear later from a mutual friend that she thought I was too sophisticated for her (humble brag) and was relieved we didn’t date again. I, on the other hand, am left to wonder what our lives would be like had she only worn something with sleeves that day.

“I had a guy that obsessively texted me to make sure I was coming to the date,” says Lauren of Naples. “The plan started with dinner, but he freaked me out so bad I backed out all the way to a late morning coffee because I knew he’d have to go back to work. I never answered another text from him again.”

“I heard of one woman’s date who actually reached across the table, pulled a hair out of her head and began flossing with it right there in the restaurant,” adds Molly, a 60-something retiree from Estero with a mass of unfashionably frizzy blonde hair. When I offer to her that that may have actually been an episode of Seinfeld, she responds with an “Oh, I don’t think so” before returning focus to a three month old People magazine.

“I had a guy who could not stop talking about his cats—seriously,” says Pixie McGibbish (obviously not her real name). “My inner monologue chimed in with all the possible reasons why a single man would have not one, but multiple cats: he works at the Humane Society and is a foster parent; saved said cats from some sort of horrific accident such as a fire or hurricane; had a series of girlfriends who inexplicably abandoned their little fur balls with this guy. But just like Mr. Owl and his Tootsie Pop enigma, the world (or at least me) will never know. I said, ‘nay’ to the second date.”

The point we’re trying to make here is that just getting a first date takes a lot of effort. You need to not only put your best foot forward on a first date, but also try to look past some of the little things that really might just be little things. Follicle flossing is an acceptable no. Small elbow moles probably deserve better. Cats should be a game-day decision.

*Have you broken off a date because of something you found intolerable? Write in and let us know!

The Chronicles of Miss X:

Two cancelled dates. The one for Thursday cancelled on me. Apparently, I didn’t pet him enough. I’ve only seen him in the flesh for a total of 2 hours and 45 minutes. But I guess I was supposed to profess my deep love for him, crown him king, delete my dating profiles and sequester myself in my room until he came a callin’ for me on date night. After a string of very irate texts from him calling me all sorts of inappropriateness, I politely thanked him for having his rant this early in our getting-to-know-you and not wasting my time. The other had to go pick up the kids from the sick ex. We rescheduled.

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