October 1, 2014

Mar 31, 201212:15 AMSingles Scene

Michael Korb explores the flirty, funny and sometimes frightening world of dating in Southwest Florida

Avoiding the Crazy



I’ve dated my fair share of loons: the Lindsay Lohans, Winona Riders and girls with ties to the occult. (Every boy wants a girl just like the girl who married dear old dad.) But under most circumstances, crazies are to be avoided at all costs—assuming you’re looking for a serious relationship. (If, on the other hand, you’re looking for entertainment, jump in with both feet.)

However, the saddest part about crazy is that people don’t seem to grow out of it. When you’re younger you assume that people get more normal as they work their way into the magic of adulthood. And once they become parents, they must certainly have their act together. But nothing could be further from the truth.

Case in point: I was recently messaged by a late-30s single parent acquaintance on Facebook. Out of the blue she asked me to be her “friend date” to an upcoming event in Naples. It sounded like fun so I accepted (again, via FB), as I knew several other people planning on attending. She then asked if I could text her as she doesn’t “go on FB much.”

I immediately texted her a “thank you again for the invitation” to which she replied, “Probably should talk before Saturday? I really don’t know you.” That text had barely been read when my phone rang. It’s her. And she’s ticked off. She’s dumbfounded that I would accept an invitation without wanting to get to know each other better prior to the event.

Flags come in all colors, but red ones are special.

She proceeded to tell me (in the type of speech that can only come from having to blow into a tube in order to get your car to start) that she had plenty of other people she could take to this thing but chose me because she thought we could be friends because she “doesn’t have many friends.” (Well then who are all the other people she could take to this thing?) For the next 40 minutes I had to defend myself for not wanting to get to know her better and alternately talk her off the ledge for how awful most people are—except for all of the awesome people she knows and would like to introduce me to. Basically, the end of every sentence was a contradiction of its beginning.

It was clear I needed to thank her again for the invitation but suggest she find someone else to go to the event with her or, better yet, go alone. No point in putting anyone else in harm’s way.

“You’ll have to forgive her, she’s crazy right now,” said one of her awesome friends when I reached out for some explanation. That’s what you call honesty. And I can only encourage friends of loons everywhere to be honest with the loon’s potential victims. Friends shouldn’t let total strangers date loon friends.