Singles Scene

The Trouble With Men

BY May 11, 2012

If you Google “The Trouble With Men” you will get 599,000,000 results in .26 seconds (including the book cover you see above). Conversely, if you Google “The Trouble With Women” you 237,000,000 results in slightly less time. Statisticians among us would say this proves Google is a woman. But the problem solvers among us see this information as what it truly is: a challenge. You see, men are conundrums, wrapped in a non-too-flattering pair of khaki trousers.

To almost know us is to almost love us. Of course, how we feel about you is anyone’s guess.

“Men suck,” offers Heather (“I’m Not Telling You My Last Name”), a charming account executive from Cape Coral, who was both eloquent and lady-like while sitting with friends outside of Rumrunners in Cape Coral’s Cape Harbour area. But even if men are nothing but trouble, they seem to play an important role in the development of the average woman: the ability to hone your complaining skills. (Exhibit A: Heather.) What a priceless gift.

Of course, as we like to say here at Gulfshore Life, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch” And that, apparently, goes for having men is your life in any capacity whatsoever.

According to a European study cited in Scientific American, sons reduce a mother’s lifespan by an average of 34 weeks. (It seems Heather was onto something.) Researchers claim that because of a son’s larger birth weight and his testosterone, he wrecks a woman. Happy Mother’s Day! Adding insult to injury, boys can injure females just minding their own business while sharing the same womb. In the study, they found that of 754 twins born between 1734 and 1888 in five towns in rural Finland, girls from mixed-gendered pairs were 25 percent less likely to have children, had an average of two less children and were 15 percent less likely to marry—even if the male twin died within three months of birth.

On a positive note, there aren’t that many Finnish men in Southwest Florida looking for love. Regardless, Heather, who was just coming out of a long-term relationship with a man, has hope for the future. “Can you tell me what is wrong with me?” she asked, fully expecting an answer.

According to Google, there are 26,200,000 things wrong with Heather.

The Chronicles of Miss X:

Regarding a recent online dating contact: “I’m thinking I don’t really fit this other man’s definition of the perfect marriage partner. ‘MY HOMIE LOL. MY 2 STEPPIN FIST PUMPING LOVES TO HAVE FUN WIFFFFEY.’ He is a firm believer in grabbing life by the ‘gonads’… I guess the fist pump comes next? Ugh. I may have to reply with a suggestion to replace his keyboard. His caps lock stuck and the keyyyyyyyssssss repeat. What the heck is he doing over that keyboard to make the keys stick like that?”

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