Singles Scene

Looking for Ms. X

BY April 20, 2012

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Since this column began in January we’ve been searching for an area single to follow in order to document her dating adventures. It will literally be just two sentences a week at the bottom of this column that’ll read something like this: “Miss X had her first date with a divorced father of two whom she met at Campiello in Naples. She digs his Maserati but not the fact that he plucked a hair from her head and used it to floss some herb spaetzle from his lower bicuspids.” (In this version I imagined Miss X to be a dental hygienist.)

Unfortunately, just when we think we’ve found the perfect candidate, they either meet someone awesome and go off the market or they turn out to be lunatics incapable of a stable and healthy relationship. And while the latter would be endlessly entertaining and full of wonderful stories, by the time we edited those stories for this magazine they’d look like redacted CIA documents on waterboarding (

We would really like to follow someone semi-normal who is excited about or newly active in the dating scene. Perhaps you’ve just re-entered the market after a long relationship or you have merely decided to re-commit yourself to not dying alone. Either way, our Miss X needs to be actively looking for Mr. Right but not in so much of a hurry that she won’t dip her toe in a lot of hotel pools—if you know what I mean (and I really hope you do because I’m not allowed to explain it).

So lets all put on our thinking caps and find one (or two) great candidates for Miss X. Other than sane and disease free, there are no restrictions. And we won’t use her real name if she doesn’t want to. (Pippa Middleton, email us,

In other news, we’d me remiss not to mention Saturday’s Shear Fashion show and auction at Gulf Coast Town Center from 8 to 11 p.m. The auction part is what intrigues us. Not only can you bid on the fashions walking down the runway, you can also bid on the models wearing them! The models (which are guys and girls) include Everblades players, Tarpon cheerleaders, area bartenders, hairdressers, artists, musicians and reality TV stars. There will be date packages available for singles and couples and all proceeds will benefit the Paul Mitchell Charities (hence the “Shear” part of the title). So if you’re single, not only will you get a chance to check out the latest fashions, you might also be able to purchase a date with someone who couldn’t come up with a quality excuse for why they wouldn’t be available to walk in a fashion show on a Saturday night in the middle of Gulf Coast Town Center.

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